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By Angelo Sonnesso

Losing a loved one is always a painful journey, but when dementia is part of the picture, navigating grief becomes even more complex. Dementia affects not just memory, but also how we process emotions and communicate, creating unique challenges for those experiencing loss. If you’re caring for someone with dementia who is grieving, know that you’re not alone and there are ways to offer comfort and support that truly resonate. This article offers practical solutions grounded in empathy and understanding, aiming to help you provide the most compassionate care during this tender time.

Understanding the Landscape of Grief with Dementia

It’s important to recognize how dementia can shift the experience of grief. The cognitive changes brought on by dementia can mean that your loved one’s grief journey will look different. Here’s what to keep in mind:

Cognitive Hurdles: Dementia impacts memory, making it hard to hold onto recent events, including the loss of a loved one. Emotional processing is also affected, which can change how grief is expressed and understood.

Varied Grief Expression: Grief might not be expressed in traditional ways. Your loved one might not remember the loss consistently, or their emotional reactions might seem unpredictable or less intense than expected. They may show grief through behavioral changes, like increased agitation or withdrawal, rather than tears or words of sadness.

Understanding these challenges is the first step in providing effective and compassionate support.

Practical Solutions: Guiding Your Loved One Through Grief

Here are actionable strategies, rooted in empathy, to help someone with dementia navigate the loss of a loved one:

Empathy and Validation: The Heart of Connection: Even if your loved one can’t express their sadness in a way you expect, your empathy is crucial. Acknowledge their feelings, whatever they may be. If they seem upset, validate their emotion with simple phrases like, “You seem sad,” or “It’s okay to feel this way.” Avoid correcting their memories or timelines; instead, focus on the emotion they are expressing in the moment. Your calm and understanding presence is often the most comforting thing you can offer.

Simplify Communication: Clarity and Comfort: Use clear, simple language when talking about the loss. Short sentences and familiar words are best. Non-verbal cues become even more important. Use a gentle tone of voice, maintain eye contact, and offer reassuring physical touch like holding their hand or a comforting hug, if appropriate. Be patient and repeat information as needed, as memory loss might mean they need to be reminded of the loss multiple times.

Maintain Routine and Familiarity: A Stable Anchor: Dementia thrives on routine. Keeping their daily schedule as consistent as possible provides a sense of security and predictability during a confusing and upsetting time. Familiar surroundings are also comforting. Try to minimize changes to their environment and daily habits to reduce anxiety and disorientation.

Offer Sensory Comfort: Grounding in the Present: Engage their senses to provide comfort and grounding. Familiar music can evoke positive emotions and memories. Looking at photos, especially of happy times with the person who has passed, can be soothing. Gentle touch, like a soft blanket or a hand massage, can also be very reassuring. Engage them in simple, enjoyable activities that stimulate the senses, like spending time in nature (if accessible and safe) or enjoying a favorite snack.

Memory and Reminiscence: Focusing on Positive Feelings: Help them remember the loved one in positive ways, but avoid testing their memory for facts. Focus on feelings and happy moments. Look at photo albums together and reminisce about joyful times. Share positive stories about the deceased person. The aim is to evoke pleasant emotions and a sense of connection to positive memories, not to ensure factual recall of the loss itself.

Seek Support: For Both of You: Caregiving is demanding, especially when navigating grief and dementia. Don’t hesitate to seek support for yourself. Join caregiver support groups to connect with others who understand.

The Outer Banks Dementia Friendly Coalition has an outstanding support group. Contact Dianne Denny at obxdementiataskforce@gmail.com. Remember you as a caregiver are not alone.

Encourage professional help for the person with dementia as well. Their doctor or a dementia specialist can offer tailored advice and resources. Therapy adapted for dementia can also be beneficial. Respite care is essential to prevent caregiver burnout and ensure you have the energy to provide ongoing support. The Dementia Friendly Coalition has a respite   program (Caregivers’ Day Out).

Contact Dianne Denny at obxdementiataskforce@gmail.com.

GEM Adult Day Services also has a respite program. Contact Angelo Sonnesso at asonnesso@gmail.com or 252-202-1190.

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