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There’s an artist I’ve been listening to since I was a freshman in college (2014). His music found me at an exceptionally vulnerable and trying time in my life. I was becoming devoid of faith, not on speaking terms with my mother, in an abusive relationship with an ex-boyfriend and had just left everyone I had known to live on a college campus with complete strangers.

I remember sitting in the college library my first semester, studying for a dreaded botany exam, when a new friend I had met a couple weeks prior came over and joined me. She asked, “Have you heard of Jon Bellion?” I gave her one of those “What the heck are you saying to me?” looks. She picked up my phone and opened Spotify, added “Run Wild” by Jon Bellion to my playlist and left. I laughed, and then pressed play. That was pretty much all it took for me to be hooked.

The song follows a girl who was recently heartbroken by a guy who only “used” her and let her down when she needed and trusted him. There are many references to the Garden of Eden and biblical themes throughout. I didn’t pick up on any of this at the time. I just knew I loved the musicality and the tones in Jon’s voice, and some part of me could relate to this song in a surreal way.

Somehow, Jon’s music has not only evolved in and of itself, but correlated with my own evolution of becoming. I found “Luxury” when I was at a crossroads: Do I pursue a life of materialism which my soul knows would ultimately erupt into a cycle of selfish desire and the constant need for more, or do I let Yahweh lead, guide and direct my steps towards a humbling future where the reward is joy that comes each morning and a ceaseless love I can turn to, always.

“Conversations with My Wife” was released as my then-boyfriend and I were discussing the outcome of our varying belief systems. If we were to marry, how would we handle circumstances if our faiths didn’t match up exactly? I revisited this song in 2023, four months before our wedding. I was at the tipping point – would this be the man I spend the rest of my life with even though we don’t see eye to eye on everything? Then I thought, well what if I lost all my faith? What if one day I questioned everything, turned from God and fell flat on my face? Would he still be there for me? I knew the answer, even five years prior to that moment I knew he would be. That song put it all into perspective, and we played it during our reception that July.

I could go on, and tell you all about how I listened to “LIFE” for the first time four years ago, when I was in my darkest hour, all hope gone and questioning whether a panic-attack stricken life was better than no life at all. But I did carve the letters L-I-F-E into a gazebo on a pier down the street from the house I was renting while buzzed and disheveled and sat staring at the water for a long time after – until I felt some sort of life bubble up inside me again, even if it was fleeting. Or, how I put on “Eyes to the Sky” whenever I’m on a walk and can’t quite silence my brain enough to focus on talking with Christ.

Then today, Jon released the music video for a new song called “WHY.” He wrote it 48 hours before his first son was born, and the song begs the question: Why love if it’ll lead to the biggest heartbreak one could ever endure?

I didn’t realize it until many years later, but the reason “Run Wild” held my heart for so long was because I could relate to it more than I knew at the time. Abusive relationships tend to do that to you, make you think that the beautiful side of darkness is enough to quench the need for connection. I tend to believe God uses us in all kinds of ways, whether it is blatantly apparent, or in the form of a song which subconsciously reminds us that we are worthy of love, and not just the idea of it.

“WHY” put everything into perspective for me: Why love? Because loving someone, despite the fact that that love may break you into a million pieces, is the greatest, purest, most euphoric and overwhelming thing one can do. To love means to give ourselves freely, wholeheartedly and openly. To love is the greatest gift we were ever given. Love is worth everything, always, no matter what comes with it.

WHY Lyrics

(Jon)

“I’m scared to meet you, ‘cause then I might know you

And then once I know you, I might fall in love

And once I’m in love, then my heart is wide open

For you to walk in, drop a bomb, blow it up

So why love anything, anything, anything at all?

Why love anything at all?

If the higher I fly is the further I fall

Then why love anything at all?”

Danielle Puleo is a staff writer for The Coastland Times. Reach her at danielle.puleo@thecoastlandtimes.com.

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